SATURDAY MORNING, JUNE 12, 2010
Good morning son,
Well......... your son called me again last night and we talked for a long, long time. He's such a good kid and one of the most intelligent I've ever known. He's had to grow up too fast I guess.
He refuses to tell me where he is....... even when I beg him. He just tells me he's safe and being fed. He doesn't trust that I won't tell Ireda or Kelli. I would not do that to him.... but I would tell them he's ok. He sounds happy and determined and if necessary, I'm afraid he'll ride it out until he's 18. I can't bear to think that....... it breaks my heart but he says his mother won't let him come home unless he goes to some boarding school. She doesn't want him at home.
I asked him if he believes she loves him and he say "sure, grandma........ sure she does, that's why she won't let me come home"........ how sad. How heartbreaking for him.
If it's tough love she's using........ she should look up the results. Tough love has cost so many teens their lives and their futures. Basically...... tough love has been a total failure. They've found that communication and respect for the child works so very much better.
I hate it that he won't tell his mom where he is, I know he has enough money to eat ok, but he doesn't need it. He's being fed............. But if I knew where he was sleeping, who's taking care of him........ I'd rest a lot easier.
If Kelli would ease up a little on him, just back off his rear and let him be a person for once in his life........ he'd come home in a minute. She refuses to communicate with him, to allow any say in his life. "SHE'S THE PARENT".......... and after all these years, wouldn't you think she'd see it hasn't worked with Kevin.
We laughed, and I cried........ but we talked for a long time. I had the sense he didn't want to hang up. He's been hurt by being isolated from us. His dad's side of the family is just as important to him as his mother's side......... but Kelli makes the rules there also.
Why is life so hard? Why do some children have such an easy life and others have to struggle so hard to simply exist. Look at the difference in the way Michael and Mariah are treated. Their mom and dad have given them so much love, so much trust......... that they really don't need to give them so many rules. The kids have grown up with gentle reminders that there are lines they don't cross..........but the consequences are not so fatal when they do........ each infraction is dealt with as it comes along and not broadcast to the entire world, the police, probation officer, family, friends..........and strangers on the street. They are allowed privacy...and most of all ........ they are loved unconditionally and respected totally. Mom and dad are always on their side, listening to them and backing them up as long as honesty exists between them. It's worked wonderfully. Those kids have so much internal strength, so much character and self esteem.
It breaks my heart that none of your children have those things and never will have them. I pray that they grow up to find wonderful mates who give them all those things they've been cheated out of.
Kevin will be 18 soon. I hate so much to see such distance between his mother and him. Kelli has always struggled with her own mom so much......... she's told us a thousand times how unfairly she was treated next to Kim................ who got away with everything. I doubt that any of that is actually true.... it's simply a child's version.... but she's old enough now to have grown out of that resentment.
But still, no matter what.......... She deserves to know that Kevin is safe and loved wherever he goes in life. I could not tell them where he is because I simply do not know . But I treasure the fact that he loves me enough to call me often and let me know he's ok and not so sad anymore. We've talked several times now and he's very content to live apart from is mom. I asked him if he's sure about that..... and all he can say is "yes.... grandma............. I'm fine with it"......... but he does miss Christopher and Rebecca.
Her mom has told me that she knows what goes on there, that she thinks Kelli has stolen the childhood from these children........ but it rolls off Kelli's back without even a second thought. So, I guess Ireda has decided to join her rather than confront her. Dick has always been totally on Kelli's side....... so I can understand Ireda's position....she's given no say in anything and really can't help Kevin because it would mean an out and out break with her daughter,. What a terrible position to be caught in.
So, I guess for now.... we'll maintain the status quo to see how it all goes for Kevin. He may just not return until he's 18............ but then he'll have to re-enter school. She should have thought of all this before she sent him away. He has no addiction and his anger is directed at the injustice she inflicts on him. She's the one who should be in treatment.
I love you son, now and forever,
mom